Observations from yesterday:
*Way to remind me I'm old, Life.
I was too weak to eat anything too complicated. I kept it easy and ate some pho... it was like chicken soup... but with rare beef... because I live life on the wild side.
Remind me to try this again when I turn 60 and require gentle food that won't bug my dentures.
(I'm only being a jerk here. I LOVE pho. I'm just laughing because it's odd that this ended up being my single birthday meal. Mexican girl eating pho for her birthday = weird)
*Throwing up tamales is like throwing up a kilo of muddy sand... hard as fuck!
I still have difficulty breathing too deeply, or laughing... even talking, since my sternum is still recuperating from the hours of heavy heaving on Monday night - early Tuesday. I can't even burp. It hurts.
*You don't appreciate a sternum until that little bitch hurts.
This pain in the sternum (I just KNOW I'm going to slip up and call it a "scrotum" any second) sucks, because yesterday and today, people have been making me crack up... and I have to force myself to keep from laughing out loud or else I'm in a world of pain.
Good example being JC with his birthday phone call. He sang to me, as is his custom, and I sat quietly on the other end smiling sheepishly as is my custom. He then made me listen to his roommate snoring. I don't know about you, but the sound of someone snoring makes me giggle... as long as I don't have to sleep in the same room as the offender. I wanted to laugh, but I had to think "Ohp, sternum! Don't aggravate it!"
*More people check out your profile than you think.
The messages I received were heart warming, really, they were (even the "Happy Bday" ones... which were TWO to be exact). They made my day and kept me entertained while I went from bedroom to bathroom to bedroom, to puke and rest (it was better than watching TV. I caught myself watching "Phat Girlz"... in its entirety, at my worst. Reminded me of the one time I had one of these vomit marathons back in college, where all I really remember was falling asleep with my head in the toilet while hearing Maury Povich saying "You are NOT the father" about seven times. I don't know why I left the channel on there, but I did, and it remains vivid in my mind, just like I'm sure some of that Phat Girlz footage will remain burned in my brain).
I was sort of tired and delusional from the puking when I'd write back, so... a lot of what I said was... out there (this is more noticeable in the first couple of wishes. Towards the end of the day, I was more normal and gracious when thanking people... refraining from the TMI).
Mooney was the first to bring up how some of my responses were funny... but she's family, she HAS to find me funny! HAS TO! You hear me?! ;)
Then another person told me how they thought me responding to each comment was "so nice!"
To me, it's not "so nice," it's just... me. That's what I do. Plus... I AM VERBOSE. I may be very, very quiet in person... sometimes getting surprised by the sound of my own voice, but when it comes to writing, I go off... I ramble... I turn into a girl, basically.
Then I had Pacemaker make a big deal out of MGH's girl wishing me a happy birthday.
"Heather talks to you? Since when are you two friends?!" (I've decided I'll no longer refer to her as "Olive Oyl" but instead, by her real name. She's a sweetheart. Only a monster would hate her. I feel terrible for hating on her... around this time last year. I'm so mean!)
"Oh yeah! We're cool. We have a few friends in common and I understand why now."
I was terrified Pacemaker would figure out what could possibly make us similar, but she just brushed it off as "weird." His girl wished me a happy birthday, yet he didn't... ain't that some shit.
All this made me realize: Fuck... a lot of people keep tabs on my ass. SCARY. If they knew I had a blog... if they read my blog... I'd be fucking crucified in a heartbeat.
AnoMALIE thinks? And she's actually a cunt?! KILL HER!
That would be a disaster.
*NEVER show your parents your Facebook
This kind of relates to the previous point.
Many of my friends have their parents as friends on FB... I DON'T. HELL NO. I don't even let them touch a computer without me hovering over their shoulder.
Yesterday, I was helping Dad check out... I think they're foreclosed homes or something? I don't know... he's buying real estate now that prices are low and la la la. Point is, I have to sit there for hours and show him around the website of his realtor friend (who I suspect Dad is trying to hook up with sister. But this kid is BAD news. He's such a pig).
So I'm doing that... when Mom gets a call form my Godmom... who happens to be on my current FB profile pic (the girl holding the screaming Birthday Baby AnoMALIE from yesterday's picture).
Once Mom hangs up, she tells me to show her which picture Godmom was talking about.
I did it, not thinking much about it.
Dad came over to check out the photo, but was distracted by one of my friends on the "friends" portion of my profile.
"Look at that! He looks just like my uncle!"
Then Dad read the name... who was it? Darcy.
Ah, Dad! Really?! You had to say that? Way to kill it.
Dad managed to make me notice that yeah... I guess I'm attracted to people who look like family. Thanks Dad... thanks (which reminds me, 1. Dad wished me a happy birthday for the first time since I was like... nine. Well, he has wished me a happy birthday in the past, but someone has had to remind him. Last year he didn't say SHIT to me. But this year, he walked into my room and hugged me and all that fatherly shit. It stunned me, and nearly made me cry. Daddy made my day... then he reminded me I no longer have insurance. Cool. 2. Darcy didn't. Bummeroo. Then again, homeboy only did it once or twice before. But not gonna lie, that would have made me forget about vomit and injured sternums... even just a lame "happy bday" would have done the trick. The stupid, young girl in me held on to the hope until the last minute... pathetic, I know... but like Charlie Sheen says, "That's how I roll"-- boy, do I have an entry on THAT topic... the Charlie Sheen topic, that is).
*My friends are THE best.
It took a LONG time, but I really do feel I have the correct people around me. I love them.
*Way to remind me I'm old, Life.
I was too weak to eat anything too complicated. I kept it easy and ate some pho... it was like chicken soup... but with rare beef... because I live life on the wild side.
Remind me to try this again when I turn 60 and require gentle food that won't bug my dentures.
(I'm only being a jerk here. I LOVE pho. I'm just laughing because it's odd that this ended up being my single birthday meal. Mexican girl eating pho for her birthday = weird)
*Throwing up tamales is like throwing up a kilo of muddy sand... hard as fuck!
I still have difficulty breathing too deeply, or laughing... even talking, since my sternum is still recuperating from the hours of heavy heaving on Monday night - early Tuesday. I can't even burp. It hurts.
*You don't appreciate a sternum until that little bitch hurts.
This pain in the sternum (I just KNOW I'm going to slip up and call it a "scrotum" any second) sucks, because yesterday and today, people have been making me crack up... and I have to force myself to keep from laughing out loud or else I'm in a world of pain.
Good example being JC with his birthday phone call. He sang to me, as is his custom, and I sat quietly on the other end smiling sheepishly as is my custom. He then made me listen to his roommate snoring. I don't know about you, but the sound of someone snoring makes me giggle... as long as I don't have to sleep in the same room as the offender. I wanted to laugh, but I had to think "Ohp, sternum! Don't aggravate it!"
*More people check out your profile than you think.
The messages I received were heart warming, really, they were (even the "Happy Bday" ones... which were TWO to be exact). They made my day and kept me entertained while I went from bedroom to bathroom to bedroom, to puke and rest (it was better than watching TV. I caught myself watching "Phat Girlz"... in its entirety, at my worst. Reminded me of the one time I had one of these vomit marathons back in college, where all I really remember was falling asleep with my head in the toilet while hearing Maury Povich saying "You are NOT the father" about seven times. I don't know why I left the channel on there, but I did, and it remains vivid in my mind, just like I'm sure some of that Phat Girlz footage will remain burned in my brain).
I was sort of tired and delusional from the puking when I'd write back, so... a lot of what I said was... out there (this is more noticeable in the first couple of wishes. Towards the end of the day, I was more normal and gracious when thanking people... refraining from the TMI).
Mooney was the first to bring up how some of my responses were funny... but she's family, she HAS to find me funny! HAS TO! You hear me?! ;)
Then another person told me how they thought me responding to each comment was "so nice!"
To me, it's not "so nice," it's just... me. That's what I do. Plus... I AM VERBOSE. I may be very, very quiet in person... sometimes getting surprised by the sound of my own voice, but when it comes to writing, I go off... I ramble... I turn into a girl, basically.
Then I had Pacemaker make a big deal out of MGH's girl wishing me a happy birthday.
"Heather talks to you? Since when are you two friends?!" (I've decided I'll no longer refer to her as "Olive Oyl" but instead, by her real name. She's a sweetheart. Only a monster would hate her. I feel terrible for hating on her... around this time last year. I'm so mean!)
"Oh yeah! We're cool. We have a few friends in common and I understand why now."
I was terrified Pacemaker would figure out what could possibly make us similar, but she just brushed it off as "weird." His girl wished me a happy birthday, yet he didn't... ain't that some shit.
All this made me realize: Fuck... a lot of people keep tabs on my ass. SCARY. If they knew I had a blog... if they read my blog... I'd be fucking crucified in a heartbeat.
AnoMALIE thinks? And she's actually a cunt?! KILL HER!
That would be a disaster.
*NEVER show your parents your Facebook
This kind of relates to the previous point.
Many of my friends have their parents as friends on FB... I DON'T. HELL NO. I don't even let them touch a computer without me hovering over their shoulder.
Yesterday, I was helping Dad check out... I think they're foreclosed homes or something? I don't know... he's buying real estate now that prices are low and la la la. Point is, I have to sit there for hours and show him around the website of his realtor friend (who I suspect Dad is trying to hook up with sister. But this kid is BAD news. He's such a pig).
So I'm doing that... when Mom gets a call form my Godmom... who happens to be on my current FB profile pic (the girl holding the screaming Birthday Baby AnoMALIE from yesterday's picture).
Once Mom hangs up, she tells me to show her which picture Godmom was talking about.
I did it, not thinking much about it.
Dad came over to check out the photo, but was distracted by one of my friends on the "friends" portion of my profile.
"Look at that! He looks just like my uncle!"
Then Dad read the name... who was it? Darcy.
Ah, Dad! Really?! You had to say that? Way to kill it.
Dad managed to make me notice that yeah... I guess I'm attracted to people who look like family. Thanks Dad... thanks (which reminds me, 1. Dad wished me a happy birthday for the first time since I was like... nine. Well, he has wished me a happy birthday in the past, but someone has had to remind him. Last year he didn't say SHIT to me. But this year, he walked into my room and hugged me and all that fatherly shit. It stunned me, and nearly made me cry. Daddy made my day... then he reminded me I no longer have insurance. Cool. 2. Darcy didn't. Bummeroo. Then again, homeboy only did it once or twice before. But not gonna lie, that would have made me forget about vomit and injured sternums... even just a lame "happy bday" would have done the trick. The stupid, young girl in me held on to the hope until the last minute... pathetic, I know... but like Charlie Sheen says, "That's how I roll"-- boy, do I have an entry on THAT topic... the Charlie Sheen topic, that is).
*My friends are THE best.
It took a LONG time, but I really do feel I have the correct people around me. I love them.
3 comments:
OF COURSE I find you funny! :D I'm glad you had an okay birthday, the Pho was mighty tasty!
and it stayed in my tummy! I almost tossed my cookies around 8PM, but the Vietnamese gods had mercy on me :)
I ate Pho the other day, and for some reason it made my roommate violently ill. So now I have to go alone if I want it. Boo! I hope you had a good birthday. And remember, any time you start feeling old, just know I've got you beat. I could be a grandpa at any time should one of my kids decide to pull a Davies.
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