It's that time of the year again: LENT.
It begins tomorrow with Ash Wednesday.
Today, of course, is the day of drunken debauchery, aka Mardi Gras.
I'm not participating in the debauchery, however, since my health hasn't been the greatest lately (words I thought I'd be muttering MUCH later in life, but uh... looks like 26 was late enough. Fuck).
Instead, I'm sitting here wondering what the hell I'm going to give up.
I haven't had the BEST record when it comes to this 40 days/40 nights business. My vices are STRONG... although I don't have many.
1. I don't have much of a drinking problem, so giving that shit up isn't that difficult.
I haven't had a beer in... umm... a couple of months. I do, however, drink a fair amount of hard liquor. Vodka, tequila, and scotch are... well, let's just say I won't turn it down whenever someone offers me something along those lines (I WILL turn down brandy. That bullshit gives me the worst hangover imaginable. I don't like wine or champagne, either, so... eh).
I WOULD give up liquor, but I have to think about the April 2nd wedding... and I already promised a few family members and friends to join them in the celebratory drinking. A drunken AnoMALIE is somewhat coveted by that side of the family, only because they have never really seen me drunk... just buzzed... and when buzzed, I'm pretty fucking social, so they enjoy that. I've agreed to appease the masses so they quit bugging me about it for a while.
2. I don't do drugs.
I've never done any drug. Well, I HAVE almost OD'd on NyQuil... but does that really count? I was sick... and couldn't think clearly, so I went ahead and did it. I was also hooked on sniffing those sharpies back in the day... the dry erase markers or whatever. I'll admit to liking that back in 5th grade.
But I've never smoked weed... although I have been present multiple times while others smoke, and my cousin used to be a big time seller. I was in fourth grade when his kids showed us giant cans full of weed. That was memorable.
Anyway, since I haven't even tried an easy-peasy drug like weed, I certainly haven't tried hard shit like crack or heroin. Coke I'm not interested. That fucking stupid drug wrecked Hometown and my childhood friends, so I have ZERO interest in the piece of shit.
So... giving up drugs is stupid... since I never started, and I never will try it. There goes that vice.
3. I don't smoke.
Don't get me started on this one. I fucking HATE IT. 'nuf said.
4. I don't fuck.
How can I give up carnal pleasures when I don't participate in this either? AnoMALIE, YOU'RE BORING! I can't complain of the itch for a quickie like many of my friends... I frankly don't give a shit about it... so... I can't say I need to give this up. Maybe I should start? HA. NOT.
5. I don't eat fast food.
I gave this up a few years ago... and I did it for a number of years. Now, it's not like I don't eat it at ALL. On occasion, I'll crave an In-N-Out burger and go ahead and get one... or maybe something from Arby's (yes, I'm 50 years old)... or Buffalo Wild Wings to sober up. But for the most part, I don't eat the fast food. Useless to give it up when I don't care much for it.
I have a rough time coming up with my lent list... until I accept that I'm not perfect, and that I do have some pretty mean vices.
1. I swear... not like a sailor... but like a possessed demon.
I can't help it. It's TERRIBLE. I know. I've tried giving up this stupid vice since... was it 7th grade? Something like that. And each time, I break it within MINUTES. I'm in the church parking lot with the ash cross still on my forehead and I'm already cussing out the dumb animals (i.e. people) who won't get out of my motherfucking way! Before I drove, I'd be fighting with Rafa for flicking my ear on the way to our car... stuff like that.
I've had plenty of guys tell me "there is nothing uglier than a girl with a dirty mouth," and each time, my response is "Does it look like I give a FUCK what you think? You weakass dickface." Well, that last part I'll change up a bit, but seriously, I really don't care what those pussies think.
When I DO get upset is when someone brings up the fact that people use curse words because they lack an advanced vocabulary. It's kind of true. I've tried that thing where you interchange the cuss word with a real word... and it was HARD. It's not hard because I don't know words (I have great vocab skill. My AP exams and SAT proved this point, only to have both the MCAT and GRE back me up on this), it's hard because I can't think up the words fast enough. Often times when I cuss, it's because I suffer a paper cut (just today, I got THREE. What kind of shit is that?) and it's A LOT easier to scream "SHIT!" or "FUUUUUUCK!!!" instead of sitting there and thinking of polite things to say, when all I really want to do is burn down the entire rainforest for being responsible for stupid injury-inflicting paper.
Also, I DETEST using the weak words like "darn!" "shoot!" or "bologna!" Use the real word: Damn! Shit! Bullshit! Or nothing at all.
Word I DO use is "Ouch!" but that's because it's a legit interjection to denote pain.
ANYWAY. I do feel bad about others thinking I'm some neanderthal when I go on my cussing rampages. I wreck the good, smart girl image I originally give off... and that's kind of a bummer.
I could do without cursing so much... even in my writing (a tear rolled down my cheek as I wrote that. It's like my soul is getting ripped out. I'm being sarcastic).
2. I really, really, REALLY like cheese.
It's my life. Ok, not that intense, but it does make me happy. My diet probably consists of maybe... 50% cheese? I don't know... but I'm pretty sure I'd starve to death if cheese were unavailable in my house.
I see this as a vice because I really do exaggerate in my ingestion of this... delicious dairy product.
Now, I could give up dairy entirely, but that would be unhealthy. I'm a girl. I need my calcium and vitamin D. Plus, I'm not intolerant, so I'm scared if I stopped ingesting ALL dairy, I'd acquire some sort of intolerance. Milk intolerance = DEATH for me.
BUT, I have to take this out. I need to let go of... this wonderful creation. It wreaks the most devastating havoc on my diet, and I accept it.
3. I'm really sarcastic.
I love sarcasm... a lot... but many people are confused/insulted/irritated/etc by it. It has caused me numerous headaches with family/friends/acquaintances, because I'm starting to get to that point where the sarcasm-sincerity line is getting blurred.
What would my life be without the sarcasm (besides Emo and lame)?
There are a few more, but I don't want to depress myself any further.
Point is:
I'm giving up cussing, for the billionth time.
I'm giving up cheese, for the first time.
And
I'm giving up sarcasm, for the LAST time.
I fear I'll be a very frustrated AnoMALIE... especially since I promised to not even write cuss words (this makes me very, very sad).
I won't even say "bitch."
Or "ass" (this one feels like I've been kidney punched).
Also, I'll have my nails nicely manicured at all times.
Just never again this color:
My apologies if the next 40 days will be packed with boredom... depression... and... retardedness (is that a real word? Guess what? I DON'T GIVE A FUUUUUCK!).
Puta madre, que chingados estoy haciendo?! Soy una PENDEEEEEEJAAAAA!
Alright. I'm done with the cuss words.
(lucky for me, it starts tomorrow... had it started today, I would have suffered a heart-attack with that Barcelona-Arsenal UCL game. I was battling with the fact that I love Fabregas... but I ADORE Barcelona... and I hate Van Persie-- his game, that is. As a person, he's quite sweet. The red card, the own-goal, my fucking asshole Madrista friends... I was NOT a nice girl today. The victory? I only got NASTIER. I can't watch soccer without cussing and flicking a few people off)
It begins tomorrow with Ash Wednesday.
Today, of course, is the day of drunken debauchery, aka Mardi Gras.
I'm not participating in the debauchery, however, since my health hasn't been the greatest lately (words I thought I'd be muttering MUCH later in life, but uh... looks like 26 was late enough. Fuck).
Instead, I'm sitting here wondering what the hell I'm going to give up.
I haven't had the BEST record when it comes to this 40 days/40 nights business. My vices are STRONG... although I don't have many.
1. I don't have much of a drinking problem, so giving that shit up isn't that difficult.
I haven't had a beer in... umm... a couple of months. I do, however, drink a fair amount of hard liquor. Vodka, tequila, and scotch are... well, let's just say I won't turn it down whenever someone offers me something along those lines (I WILL turn down brandy. That bullshit gives me the worst hangover imaginable. I don't like wine or champagne, either, so... eh).
I WOULD give up liquor, but I have to think about the April 2nd wedding... and I already promised a few family members and friends to join them in the celebratory drinking. A drunken AnoMALIE is somewhat coveted by that side of the family, only because they have never really seen me drunk... just buzzed... and when buzzed, I'm pretty fucking social, so they enjoy that. I've agreed to appease the masses so they quit bugging me about it for a while.
2. I don't do drugs.
I've never done any drug. Well, I HAVE almost OD'd on NyQuil... but does that really count? I was sick... and couldn't think clearly, so I went ahead and did it. I was also hooked on sniffing those sharpies back in the day... the dry erase markers or whatever. I'll admit to liking that back in 5th grade.
But I've never smoked weed... although I have been present multiple times while others smoke, and my cousin used to be a big time seller. I was in fourth grade when his kids showed us giant cans full of weed. That was memorable.
Anyway, since I haven't even tried an easy-peasy drug like weed, I certainly haven't tried hard shit like crack or heroin. Coke I'm not interested. That fucking stupid drug wrecked Hometown and my childhood friends, so I have ZERO interest in the piece of shit.
So... giving up drugs is stupid... since I never started, and I never will try it. There goes that vice.
3. I don't smoke.
Don't get me started on this one. I fucking HATE IT. 'nuf said.
4. I don't fuck.
How can I give up carnal pleasures when I don't participate in this either? AnoMALIE, YOU'RE BORING! I can't complain of the itch for a quickie like many of my friends... I frankly don't give a shit about it... so... I can't say I need to give this up. Maybe I should start? HA. NOT.
5. I don't eat fast food.
I gave this up a few years ago... and I did it for a number of years. Now, it's not like I don't eat it at ALL. On occasion, I'll crave an In-N-Out burger and go ahead and get one... or maybe something from Arby's (yes, I'm 50 years old)... or Buffalo Wild Wings to sober up. But for the most part, I don't eat the fast food. Useless to give it up when I don't care much for it.
I have a rough time coming up with my lent list... until I accept that I'm not perfect, and that I do have some pretty mean vices.
1. I swear... not like a sailor... but like a possessed demon.
I can't help it. It's TERRIBLE. I know. I've tried giving up this stupid vice since... was it 7th grade? Something like that. And each time, I break it within MINUTES. I'm in the church parking lot with the ash cross still on my forehead and I'm already cussing out the dumb animals (i.e. people) who won't get out of my motherfucking way! Before I drove, I'd be fighting with Rafa for flicking my ear on the way to our car... stuff like that.
I've had plenty of guys tell me "there is nothing uglier than a girl with a dirty mouth," and each time, my response is "Does it look like I give a FUCK what you think? You weakass dickface." Well, that last part I'll change up a bit, but seriously, I really don't care what those pussies think.
When I DO get upset is when someone brings up the fact that people use curse words because they lack an advanced vocabulary. It's kind of true. I've tried that thing where you interchange the cuss word with a real word... and it was HARD. It's not hard because I don't know words (I have great vocab skill. My AP exams and SAT proved this point, only to have both the MCAT and GRE back me up on this), it's hard because I can't think up the words fast enough. Often times when I cuss, it's because I suffer a paper cut (just today, I got THREE. What kind of shit is that?) and it's A LOT easier to scream "SHIT!" or "FUUUUUUCK!!!" instead of sitting there and thinking of polite things to say, when all I really want to do is burn down the entire rainforest for being responsible for stupid injury-inflicting paper.
Also, I DETEST using the weak words like "darn!" "shoot!" or "bologna!" Use the real word: Damn! Shit! Bullshit! Or nothing at all.
Word I DO use is "Ouch!" but that's because it's a legit interjection to denote pain.
ANYWAY. I do feel bad about others thinking I'm some neanderthal when I go on my cussing rampages. I wreck the good, smart girl image I originally give off... and that's kind of a bummer.
I could do without cursing so much... even in my writing (a tear rolled down my cheek as I wrote that. It's like my soul is getting ripped out. I'm being sarcastic).
2. I really, really, REALLY like cheese.
It's my life. Ok, not that intense, but it does make me happy. My diet probably consists of maybe... 50% cheese? I don't know... but I'm pretty sure I'd starve to death if cheese were unavailable in my house.
I see this as a vice because I really do exaggerate in my ingestion of this... delicious dairy product.
Now, I could give up dairy entirely, but that would be unhealthy. I'm a girl. I need my calcium and vitamin D. Plus, I'm not intolerant, so I'm scared if I stopped ingesting ALL dairy, I'd acquire some sort of intolerance. Milk intolerance = DEATH for me.
BUT, I have to take this out. I need to let go of... this wonderful creation. It wreaks the most devastating havoc on my diet, and I accept it.
3. I'm really sarcastic.
I love sarcasm... a lot... but many people are confused/insulted/irritated/etc by it. It has caused me numerous headaches with family/friends/acquaintances, because I'm starting to get to that point where the sarcasm-sincerity line is getting blurred.
What would my life be without the sarcasm (besides Emo and lame)?
There are a few more, but I don't want to depress myself any further.
Point is:
I'm giving up cussing, for the billionth time.
I'm giving up cheese, for the first time.
And
I'm giving up sarcasm, for the LAST time.
I fear I'll be a very frustrated AnoMALIE... especially since I promised to not even write cuss words (this makes me very, very sad).
I won't even say "bitch."
Or "ass" (this one feels like I've been kidney punched).
Also, I'll have my nails nicely manicured at all times.
Just never again this color:
 |
| Heroes in a half-shell... TURTLE POWER! Oddly enough, I was NOT a ninja assassin after trying this color. (especially not w/those wrists of an 8-year-old ballerina) But I did look radioactive. |
Puta madre, que chingados estoy haciendo?! Soy una PENDEEEEEEJAAAAA!
Alright. I'm done with the cuss words.
(lucky for me, it starts tomorrow... had it started today, I would have suffered a heart-attack with that Barcelona-Arsenal UCL game. I was battling with the fact that I love Fabregas... but I ADORE Barcelona... and I hate Van Persie-- his game, that is. As a person, he's quite sweet. The red card, the own-goal, my fucking asshole Madrista friends... I was NOT a nice girl today. The victory? I only got NASTIER. I can't watch soccer without cussing and flicking a few people off)
10 comments:
haha, love reading your posts. just wanted to share a couple of things. i'm feeling communicative today.
i liked sniffing those dry erase markers too. i used to smell those while standing at the board in chemistry not knowing what the fuck i was doing while Jesse and the other smart kids worked through the problems. i must have looked like a total tool.
i curse a lot also. especially at work. sometimes i don't care. sometimes i'm embarrassed by it. it bothers me too when people say that cursers lack vocabulary. that's fucking complete bullshit. like you, i know some fucking words (probably not as many as you though). you're completely right, it just takes too long to think of them. we're not writing a fucking essay, we're talking to people. if i had to articulate my thoughts with well chose intelligent words the communication would taker forever. it's much simpler to curse.
i'm a big fan of dairy products as well. i'm about to get a tall cold glass of milk right now, lol!
so i'm not Catholic, but i was in St. Joseph's church on Saturday for a wedding. i did a lot of sitting then standing, and some kneeling too, so that's gotta count for something, right? i was thinking of giving something up for lent, even though, you know, it's not technically legit for me. but it'd be fun to try to withhold for 40 days/nights. self depravation is often empowering, and sometimes...amusing? maybe that's not the right word. what should i give up?
Gah! Lent! I totally forgot about that...hmm. You should try giving up Facebook? A few of my friends are trying it.
Alex- damn, dude... that was long! I hope you know I only read the first half then quit... because I hate reading. jk
It was all hilarious, 'cause I agree (especially on the cussing thing. It's the biggest reason why I'm so quiet in person: I'm busy thinking up synonyms and the most inoffensive way to say things)!
As for the Catholic thing... I'm pretty sure you're now at least 1/4 Catholic for sitting, standing, and even kneeling. It gets bumped to a 1/3 if you shook hands during the peace part. haha And for lent... hmmm... give up smoking? That is, if you haven't already (which you SHOULD!)
Mooney- surely you're suggesting that to cannon, right? 'cause I think giving up cussing, cheese, and sarcasm is MORE than enough for lil ol' me.
Haha, oh no my dear, it was directed towards you! :] But yeah, seems a bit of a stretch...even for me.
lol! i did shake hands..."peace be with you"! guess that means i only have to abstain from something for 13 days. you'll be proud to know that i'm no longer a smoker. quit a few years ago. i could probably layoff facebook for that long. if i went 40 i would probably just delete the damn thing and move on, because apparently it wasn't that important.
mooney- yikes! yeah... that's not happening. lol
alex- I didn't know that! high five! that's awesome.
Are you going to leave your nails green for St. Patrick's day? It seems appropriate.
Also.. If you really want to give up cheese for the 40 days.. I can bring you some 'formerly' dairy products from work.. that will entice you to be lactose free.. for life.
yeah, I'm gonna use that color for St. Patrick's day. I was testing the color and it wound up intimidating me.
and the "formerly" dairy products seem like a good idea. They still taste delicious, right? Not like cardboard... 'cause I only like cardboard for arts n craft projects :)
I meant formerly as in they're spoiled and the most disgusting thing you smell in your life.. In fact you will not give up just dairy.. but all food for at least a 2 hour window.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!
Ok... ok.... can't... breathe... laughed.... too.... hard!
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