My soon to be godson (that sounds so weird, and it makes me feel even more... weird) has been asking me for my paperwork since last week. He needs my church records like baptism certificate and all that stuff so that he can hand it to... the... bishop? I dunno... I'm terrible at this. Point is, my paperwork needs to be processed so that they can give me the green light to be his Godmom.
This said paperwork, is not in my possession, but my mother's... for obvious reasons (all my Catholic-related business was handled and completed by the time I was nine... that kind of paperwork can't be entrusted to a nine year old).
I asked Mom to hand me the documents my friend needs, and after a few hours, she found them and surrendered them.
Mom stashes shit away as if at any second the Gestapo are going to storm into our house.
Problem is, she forgets where she stores shit.
Me: What's so hard about putting it in one place and just... leaving it there until one of us needs it to get married or something?
Mom: It's because I always carry them with me whenever we leave the country.
Me: ... Why, you weirdo?
Mom: It's 'cause... (she laughs) I've always heard these crazy stories. You know! So many people complaining that their daughters met some crazy idiot and then give their parents the ultimatum that they either let them marry the guy, or they'll just run off with him!
Me: ... so... ?
Mom: Well, it always happens in Mexico! So each time we go, I take all your stuff (siblings included here, obviously) just in case one of you meet a guy down there and decide to marry the crazy idiot right then and there.
Me: MOM! I'd NEVER do that shit! Are you kidding me? That's crazy bullshit! ... And you'd let me marry a "crazy idiot?!" What's wrong with you?
Mom: You never know!
Me: No, no... I DO know! I would NEVER do that. NEVER.... EVER! If I were that desperately in "love," the last thing on my mind would be a church wedding. I'd just fuck the guy and get it over with. No wedding needed. Shotgun wedding... get outta here!
Mom: AnoMALIE!
Me: Hey, I'm just letting you know. That dumb fear of yours will never come to be. I'll live with the guy... but to do the whole secret quickie wedding... not my style. It's fucking retarded. Just fuck and move on with your lives.
Mom: AnoMALIE!
Me: I'm sorry! I've just never heard something so stupid.
My mom... that lady... so... interesting.
Carry my baptismal records "in case" I meet a guy I'm desperate to marry... pffffffffft! That woman does NOT know me.
This said paperwork, is not in my possession, but my mother's... for obvious reasons (all my Catholic-related business was handled and completed by the time I was nine... that kind of paperwork can't be entrusted to a nine year old).
I asked Mom to hand me the documents my friend needs, and after a few hours, she found them and surrendered them.
Mom stashes shit away as if at any second the Gestapo are going to storm into our house.
Problem is, she forgets where she stores shit.
Me: What's so hard about putting it in one place and just... leaving it there until one of us needs it to get married or something?
Mom: It's because I always carry them with me whenever we leave the country.
Me: ... Why, you weirdo?
Mom: It's 'cause... (she laughs) I've always heard these crazy stories. You know! So many people complaining that their daughters met some crazy idiot and then give their parents the ultimatum that they either let them marry the guy, or they'll just run off with him!
Me: ... so... ?
Mom: Well, it always happens in Mexico! So each time we go, I take all your stuff (siblings included here, obviously) just in case one of you meet a guy down there and decide to marry the crazy idiot right then and there.
Me: MOM! I'd NEVER do that shit! Are you kidding me? That's crazy bullshit! ... And you'd let me marry a "crazy idiot?!" What's wrong with you?
Mom: You never know!
Me: No, no... I DO know! I would NEVER do that. NEVER.... EVER! If I were that desperately in "love," the last thing on my mind would be a church wedding. I'd just fuck the guy and get it over with. No wedding needed. Shotgun wedding... get outta here!
Mom: AnoMALIE!
Me: Hey, I'm just letting you know. That dumb fear of yours will never come to be. I'll live with the guy... but to do the whole secret quickie wedding... not my style. It's fucking retarded. Just fuck and move on with your lives.
Mom: AnoMALIE!
Me: I'm sorry! I've just never heard something so stupid.
My mom... that lady... so... interesting.
Carry my baptismal records "in case" I meet a guy I'm desperate to marry... pffffffffft! That woman does NOT know me.
2 comments:
Ahahahaha! .... I do have a question you could ask you mom though.. why doesn't she just make a copy to take with you?
while I've never gotten married, or spoken to my married relatives about this, I think the church requires the legit certificate that they'll photocopy for their records.
Something like that.
I'm sure the little lady won't be happy until she loses my legit copy and fucks me over for life... or just turns me Presbyterian or something.
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