I was a lovely sight this morning.
Actually, it was noon. I woke up at noon, after going to bed at five in the morning... after I had cried hard enough to vomit, get tired, and go to sleep.
Yeah.
What can I say? I allow myself ONE day to cry over an event, whether it's the death of a loved one, the failing of a class, or getting dumped for a twig-girl (who is a very sweet, funny girl... but I didn't know that at the moment that things went down).
ONE day, and then you're no longer allowed to cry about it ever again, weakling.
I had been "fine" all afternoon. I guess I was shell-shocked. I didn't start freaking out until around one in the morning. I don't know what triggered it (yes I do. I called myself an "idiot" for putting a scratch on my phone's screen and then my subconscious just let me have it), but once it started, I couldn't stop. Vomit, the shakes, violent sobs... all that mess.
I woke up with my right eye swollen shut and my left eye in nearly the same condition. My voice was weird too... I only noticed that because D sneaked into my room to ask me a question, and when I tried answering "Yeah, I'm awake, dude" I startled myself with the sound. I still have to speak in a low voice, because it hurts to be loud.
I didn't have breakfast until three in the afternoon... and my breakfast was two hand-fulls of Honey Bunches of Oats because there was no milk in the fridge. Of course I only realized there was no milk once the bowl of cereal was already poured.
I had planned to go out to catch the Rebel game, but my eyes were still not back to normal by 6:30... yeah, I gave myself until 6:30 to be good to go out in public, and it didn't happen!
Good thing I didn't go, though... it would have been too much crap for two days... such an embarrassing game.
I'm no longer weepy.
I'm even trying to laugh... although it hurts to chuckle. I was in a world of pain from laughing so hard when my sister nearly electrocuted herself trying to "fix" her dead laptop this afternoon (I know this makes me seem like a monster... but nothing happened to her, so I was free to laugh until I was short of breath).
Smiles are... they're really forced right now, so I'm not doing much of that.
Hopefully I get back to normal sooner than later.
Oh! Oh! One last thing:
Know how certain events occur in my life where music randomly plays, which eerily goes along with the mood of the scene... as if I'm living some sort of soap-opera or movie? Like that time when I told MGH how I felt about him in CanCun at Margaritaville... and in the middle of getting to the "I like you... A LOT" part, that Amelie song started playing and kept playing as I watched my heart get beaten to a pulp?
WELL, sticking true to this bizarre, inexplicable phenomenon, I woke up to music being played in the living room today.
Just GUESS which song.
Ok, enough time.
I woke up to Étude Op. 10 No. 3, or in Spanish, "Divina Ilusión."
Divina ilusión que yo forje. Un sueño fue, que no se realizo. (Sweet illusion that I forged. It was a dream that never came to be)
No puedo mas. ("I've had enough" or "I can't keep going" or even "I can't")
My life is such a joke.
Actually, it was noon. I woke up at noon, after going to bed at five in the morning... after I had cried hard enough to vomit, get tired, and go to sleep.
Yeah.
What can I say? I allow myself ONE day to cry over an event, whether it's the death of a loved one, the failing of a class, or getting dumped for a twig-girl (who is a very sweet, funny girl... but I didn't know that at the moment that things went down).
ONE day, and then you're no longer allowed to cry about it ever again, weakling.
I had been "fine" all afternoon. I guess I was shell-shocked. I didn't start freaking out until around one in the morning. I don't know what triggered it (yes I do. I called myself an "idiot" for putting a scratch on my phone's screen and then my subconscious just let me have it), but once it started, I couldn't stop. Vomit, the shakes, violent sobs... all that mess.
I woke up with my right eye swollen shut and my left eye in nearly the same condition. My voice was weird too... I only noticed that because D sneaked into my room to ask me a question, and when I tried answering "Yeah, I'm awake, dude" I startled myself with the sound. I still have to speak in a low voice, because it hurts to be loud.
I didn't have breakfast until three in the afternoon... and my breakfast was two hand-fulls of Honey Bunches of Oats because there was no milk in the fridge. Of course I only realized there was no milk once the bowl of cereal was already poured.
I had planned to go out to catch the Rebel game, but my eyes were still not back to normal by 6:30... yeah, I gave myself until 6:30 to be good to go out in public, and it didn't happen!
Good thing I didn't go, though... it would have been too much crap for two days... such an embarrassing game.
I'm no longer weepy.
I'm even trying to laugh... although it hurts to chuckle. I was in a world of pain from laughing so hard when my sister nearly electrocuted herself trying to "fix" her dead laptop this afternoon (I know this makes me seem like a monster... but nothing happened to her, so I was free to laugh until I was short of breath).
Smiles are... they're really forced right now, so I'm not doing much of that.
Hopefully I get back to normal sooner than later.
Oh! Oh! One last thing:
Know how certain events occur in my life where music randomly plays, which eerily goes along with the mood of the scene... as if I'm living some sort of soap-opera or movie? Like that time when I told MGH how I felt about him in CanCun at Margaritaville... and in the middle of getting to the "I like you... A LOT" part, that Amelie song started playing and kept playing as I watched my heart get beaten to a pulp?
WELL, sticking true to this bizarre, inexplicable phenomenon, I woke up to music being played in the living room today.
Just GUESS which song.
Ok, enough time.
I woke up to Étude Op. 10 No. 3, or in Spanish, "Divina Ilusión."
Divina ilusión que yo forje. Un sueño fue, que no se realizo. (Sweet illusion that I forged. It was a dream that never came to be)
No puedo mas. ("I've had enough" or "I can't keep going" or even "I can't")
My life is such a joke.
2 comments:
To quote Aaliyah "If at first you don't succeed, you can dust it off and try again."
Strange, Kelley quoting an R&B song.. But I think it applies.
It's better I quote that song for you than Jimmy Eat World.
Don't stay down. Don't stop writing.
I challenge you to write a story every two weeks, just because. Get back into that. Because you want to.
If you do that...
In turn, I will write a song every two weeks that involves more than nominal effort.*
Be my motivation buddy :D
*most things i write in five minutes, and record in two.. on the first take.. with no real effort.. which is bad.. and I know it...
Deal.
Same rules as w/ Irsfeld?
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