6:31AM

4:30AM: Wake up to the sound of Mom having a one-sided conversation in what appears to be Rafa's room. I force myself back to sleep.

Hmm... ok... she's on her cell asking these idiots where they are. Thanks for waking me up, scary lady.

6:31AM: Hear the front door open, car keys jingle, then siblings walking to their bedrooms. Sister goes to the bathroom and washes her face.

Uh-oh... someone's gonna get it later today...

10AM: Decide to give up on sleeping. Get up and make myself some green tea. 

Oh green tea... why can't you taste like... something other than cat pee?

10:30AM: Mom walks in... I smile and say "HI MAAA!" 

Why is she makin' that face...

10:31AM: Mom chews me out. She just starts ripping me apart over how none of us appreciate what a good mother she is. We're all inconsiderate little assholes.

What the fuck is going on here?!

10:50AM: Mom finally stops screaming at me. I've sat through a twenty-minute tirade without saying a word (other than "what?"), just sitting there wide-eyed and gaping. Tirade is inspired by my siblings returning home at 6:30 in the morning (I went to bed at one in the morning, mind you).

You serious? What part did I play in all this shit?

10:51AM: I walk back to my room.

Women are fucking crazy.

11AM: Mom walks into my room and apologizes. She then proceeds to tell me her plans for "disciplining" my "wayward" siblings.

You're gonna whaaa... I feel sorry for those suckers.

11:30AM: Rafa and D wake up nice and refreshed. Siblings go into the kitchen and bump into Mom.

Good luck, suckaaaas!

11:31-11:35AM: Mom forgets she was angry and asks my siblings for details of their night (Rafa won $300 in poker, D fell asleep in my cousin's suite as she waited for the poker game to end). She is enthralled by their story.

What. The. Fuck.

11:36AM: I walk back into my room.

Wow.

I just never win.