I'm getting better.
I'm even on "mood stabilizing" pills.
Who would have thought carbohydrates to be THAT fucking important in one's emotional health.
But I'll pay that price any day, over... you know... being fat and KINDA normal (now I'm just pissed all the time... but I can leg press your mother... and probably your father, too! Deal with it, World).
You know what else makes me angry? Yesterday's show.
Ok, it DOESN'T make me angry... it just irritates me... and it's in the forefront of my mind because... it was so goddamn ridiculous.
Today, we spoke about how you break it to a dude, and if you even break it to the dude.
On the show, the girls would straight up tell the date "I'm a virgin." after maybe half an hour. Then they'd go off and ask the date what their future plans looked like... the steps and amount of time they planned to take at each one and whatnot.
I sat there watching, mesmerized.
No wonder these broads are virgins...
Seriously, I've never actually vocalized my status. I've never had to. I find it akin to "I'm retarded."
If I see myself ever actually saying those dreaded words, it'd be seconds before fucking, and it'd be along the lines of "well, I apologize in advance if this sucks... but..." then we'd get over it. But this would only happen if I really liked the dude and wouldn't feel stupid about one day possibly admitting to banging him (that's where MY issue lies. I overanalyze and convince myself that I'll never forgive myself for allowing this or that dude's appendage anywhere near me. I really do treat my body like a temple... or I'm just fucking mean as hell. He has a fucking stupid-shaped head! YOU let THIS guy hit it. THIS GUY! With the stupid-shaped head! For shame! or He says "SUPPOSAVLY!" SUPPOSAVLY! Shoot yourself, AnoMALIE... you fucking idiot! You let that animal possibly, theoretically procreate with you!). It'd be my way of admitting he's pretty fucking legit.
Yo! I totally don't think you're embarrassing or stupid! And I'm totally cool with the thought of you one day possibly reproducing mini-yous! Hooray!
However, I'm not saying I've never seen this go down with someone else... the vocalization of status, that is.
In my experience, when a girl tells a dude she's part of the club, his reaction is one of two:
1. He wants to hit that. BAD.
He will hustle that girl until he lands her. It turns into a fucked up game... that I kind of enjoy watching, because both parties entertain the shit out of me-- the dude for trying so hard and the chick for being so retarded and throwing her so called "morals" out the door. Both parties always think they're smarter than the other... when in reality, they're equally handicapped.
Most of the time, once the guy hits it, he totally quits it. And the girl goes off and becomes a huge whore... or "reclaims" her virginity... that twat.
2. He runs like hell.
I have to admit, this one used to infuriate me.
REEEEEEEELAX, you fucking asshole! You're not THAT special. Calm your ass down, you lamefuck (these accidental puns are really aggravating me, but I can't help it. This is how I really talk. It's how my brain works).
I used to think these egomaniacs needed to get punched in the face, for thinking so highly of themselves.
Yeah, you're so fucking special... I'll NEVER forget your sexual prowess. The moment you leave me, I'll be broken FOREVER! Suffer a lifetime of longing for your dick... because you will be so damn unforgettable, my love! "My love" because that's what will definitely happen after I have a taste of your penis... I'll be madly in LOVE with you! Get. Out. Of. Here.
But after watching this show, I get it.
I get you, guys, I get you.
Bitches be motherfucking crazy! Chick may try to stronghold you into marrying her... or she'll forever stare at you with that creepy, adoring, is-she-a-serial-killer? look in her eye.
Run. Run like the wind!
Ahhh, I'm in the company of greats.
I'm even on "mood stabilizing" pills.
Who would have thought carbohydrates to be THAT fucking important in one's emotional health.
But I'll pay that price any day, over... you know... being fat and KINDA normal (now I'm just pissed all the time... but I can leg press your mother... and probably your father, too! Deal with it, World).
You know what else makes me angry? Yesterday's show.
Ok, it DOESN'T make me angry... it just irritates me... and it's in the forefront of my mind because... it was so goddamn ridiculous.
Today, we spoke about how you break it to a dude, and if you even break it to the dude.
On the show, the girls would straight up tell the date "I'm a virgin." after maybe half an hour. Then they'd go off and ask the date what their future plans looked like... the steps and amount of time they planned to take at each one and whatnot.
I sat there watching, mesmerized.
No wonder these broads are virgins...
Seriously, I've never actually vocalized my status. I've never had to. I find it akin to "I'm retarded."
If I see myself ever actually saying those dreaded words, it'd be seconds before fucking, and it'd be along the lines of "well, I apologize in advance if this sucks... but..." then we'd get over it. But this would only happen if I really liked the dude and wouldn't feel stupid about one day possibly admitting to banging him (that's where MY issue lies. I overanalyze and convince myself that I'll never forgive myself for allowing this or that dude's appendage anywhere near me. I really do treat my body like a temple... or I'm just fucking mean as hell. He has a fucking stupid-shaped head! YOU let THIS guy hit it. THIS GUY! With the stupid-shaped head! For shame! or He says "SUPPOSAVLY!" SUPPOSAVLY! Shoot yourself, AnoMALIE... you fucking idiot! You let that animal possibly, theoretically procreate with you!). It'd be my way of admitting he's pretty fucking legit.
Yo! I totally don't think you're embarrassing or stupid! And I'm totally cool with the thought of you one day possibly reproducing mini-yous! Hooray!
However, I'm not saying I've never seen this go down with someone else... the vocalization of status, that is.
In my experience, when a girl tells a dude she's part of the club, his reaction is one of two:
1. He wants to hit that. BAD.
He will hustle that girl until he lands her. It turns into a fucked up game... that I kind of enjoy watching, because both parties entertain the shit out of me-- the dude for trying so hard and the chick for being so retarded and throwing her so called "morals" out the door. Both parties always think they're smarter than the other... when in reality, they're equally handicapped.
Most of the time, once the guy hits it, he totally quits it. And the girl goes off and becomes a huge whore... or "reclaims" her virginity... that twat.
2. He runs like hell.
I have to admit, this one used to infuriate me.
REEEEEEEELAX, you fucking asshole! You're not THAT special. Calm your ass down, you lamefuck (these accidental puns are really aggravating me, but I can't help it. This is how I really talk. It's how my brain works).
I used to think these egomaniacs needed to get punched in the face, for thinking so highly of themselves.
Yeah, you're so fucking special... I'll NEVER forget your sexual prowess. The moment you leave me, I'll be broken FOREVER! Suffer a lifetime of longing for your dick... because you will be so damn unforgettable, my love! "My love" because that's what will definitely happen after I have a taste of your penis... I'll be madly in LOVE with you! Get. Out. Of. Here.
But after watching this show, I get it.
I get you, guys, I get you.
Bitches be motherfucking crazy! Chick may try to stronghold you into marrying her... or she'll forever stare at you with that creepy, adoring, is-she-a-serial-killer? look in her eye.
Run. Run like the wind!
Ahhh, I'm in the company of greats.
2 comments:
I need to watch this show. I though the awkward awful kiss was kind of cute in a way.. but this sounds BAAAAAAAAAAD.... and good to watch @ the gym.
the kiss was... I guess cute in the innocent way... the first time around. By the fourth time, I just wanted to slap the girl across the face and tell her to act normal.
It is a must watch at the gym... but try not to hurt yourself when you lose focus after listening to these poor virgins (I seriously think TLC looked for the most extreme cases).
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