It appears I did not receive the memo on today being the day of "Attack of the Psycho Ex-Girlfriends."
No, not MY ex-girlfriends, considering I'm straight... I'm talking the exes of dudes I'm friends with.
The first one isn't really an "attack," but it's still weird as shit.
Guess who's coming to town tomorrow...
Yes. Heather. MGH's ex- girl... who... apparently isn't that much of an ex because they settled their differences on Christmas via heartfelt e-mail and subsequent video-chat.
Sheesh... people don't change. I'm glad I'm not in that dysfunctional yo-yo of a relationship anymore.
Anyway, the lovely Miss Heather will be in town tomorrow, and she decided to message me on Facebook and ask to hang out.
Fuck my ass! You fucking serious?!
I, being the sweet imbecile I am, agreed. I did it out of kindness and also because a few months back, when she was still the legit girlfriend of MGH, I told her I'd show her around whenever she came to town. I'm a girl of my word.. so... I agreed.
So uh... yeah... anyone wanna join me? Pretty please? Puh-leeze? I don't want to do it alone. How fucking awkward would it be? Plus, I need someone who will check me in case I start drinking too much... 'cause we all know what happens when AnoMALIE drinks too much... I turn into Coconut and my filter vanishes.
DUDE! I HATED you so fucking bad when I first met you! You and your stupid freckles... your lanky appendages... you reminded me of a marionette... or Popeye's Olive Oyl! I actually called you that for a few months! And that "strawberry blond" hair that looks more like it belongs on a Cocker Spaniel than a human... But you're soooooo cool now! You're funny!
Christ. My stomach is churning just at the thought of making that much of an ass of myself.
It does feel good knowing she's not scared of me taking her to the ghetto and selling her organs in the black market... though I'm sure her organs would be useless since she has such a bad drinking problem. Girl drinks like a fucking fish.
But don't worry, I'M not a psycho ex-girlfriend... so no harm will be done to the girl. I'll be the only one hurting as I show her around and get... drunk under the table (?).
The second scenario IS an example of a fucking psycho ex-girlfriend.
This chick is Berkeley Math Major's ex. Now THAT bitch is crazy. She's a bio major... if that helps explain the issue (yes, I understand I was a bio major, but that only means I KNOW what this bitch is all about).
I was minding my own fucking business when I suddenly got a message from her. The message was your typical psycho message from a stranger-- lots of punctuation marks, particularly question marks and exclamation points... and that thing psychos do where it appears their Shift key is stuck on their keyboard... ALL CAPS.
I still don't understand where she's coming from. I don't know what that's all about... so I just shrugged it off and ignored it.
I'm still a little scared that she'll get crazier on me... but if push comes to shove, I'm screen shot-ing that shit and showing BMM... or I'll just head up to the bay to handle some fucking business.
...
Write ME a threatening, psychotic Facebook message... shit... go back to your fucking Orgo book and learn your fucking mechanisms, twat.
Girls are fucking crazy.
God bless straight men who willingly put up with that shit.
No, not MY ex-girlfriends, considering I'm straight... I'm talking the exes of dudes I'm friends with.
The first one isn't really an "attack," but it's still weird as shit.
Guess who's coming to town tomorrow...
Yes. Heather. MGH's ex- girl... who... apparently isn't that much of an ex because they settled their differences on Christmas via heartfelt e-mail and subsequent video-chat.
Sheesh... people don't change. I'm glad I'm not in that dysfunctional yo-yo of a relationship anymore.
Anyway, the lovely Miss Heather will be in town tomorrow, and she decided to message me on Facebook and ask to hang out.
Fuck my ass! You fucking serious?!
I, being the sweet imbecile I am, agreed. I did it out of kindness and also because a few months back, when she was still the legit girlfriend of MGH, I told her I'd show her around whenever she came to town. I'm a girl of my word.. so... I agreed.
So uh... yeah... anyone wanna join me? Pretty please? Puh-leeze? I don't want to do it alone. How fucking awkward would it be? Plus, I need someone who will check me in case I start drinking too much... 'cause we all know what happens when AnoMALIE drinks too much... I turn into Coconut and my filter vanishes.
DUDE! I HATED you so fucking bad when I first met you! You and your stupid freckles... your lanky appendages... you reminded me of a marionette... or Popeye's Olive Oyl! I actually called you that for a few months! And that "strawberry blond" hair that looks more like it belongs on a Cocker Spaniel than a human... But you're soooooo cool now! You're funny!
Christ. My stomach is churning just at the thought of making that much of an ass of myself.
It does feel good knowing she's not scared of me taking her to the ghetto and selling her organs in the black market... though I'm sure her organs would be useless since she has such a bad drinking problem. Girl drinks like a fucking fish.
But don't worry, I'M not a psycho ex-girlfriend... so no harm will be done to the girl. I'll be the only one hurting as I show her around and get... drunk under the table (?).
The second scenario IS an example of a fucking psycho ex-girlfriend.
This chick is Berkeley Math Major's ex. Now THAT bitch is crazy. She's a bio major... if that helps explain the issue (yes, I understand I was a bio major, but that only means I KNOW what this bitch is all about).
I was minding my own fucking business when I suddenly got a message from her. The message was your typical psycho message from a stranger-- lots of punctuation marks, particularly question marks and exclamation points... and that thing psychos do where it appears their Shift key is stuck on their keyboard... ALL CAPS.
I still don't understand where she's coming from. I don't know what that's all about... so I just shrugged it off and ignored it.
I'm still a little scared that she'll get crazier on me... but if push comes to shove, I'm screen shot-ing that shit and showing BMM... or I'll just head up to the bay to handle some fucking business.
...
Write ME a threatening, psychotic Facebook message... shit... go back to your fucking Orgo book and learn your fucking mechanisms, twat.
Girls are fucking crazy.
God bless straight men who willingly put up with that shit.
3 comments:
2nd girl.. it's cause you threaten her somehow :) Just send a ":)" back. She's all talk. :) :) :) and if she comes down here.. you've got friends and my brother's a cop ;)
Depending on when you go out - If you want I'll join you.
yes please! Shoot, tell me what time works for you and I'll tell her I can't go until that time. I got in a huge fight with my sister because she refused to help out... even if she's going out tomorrow and NYE... the jerk.
P.S. I can't believe I forgot about the smiley. I guess I was too dizzy from the confusion and anger and... adrenaline I felt from seeing this crazy broad attack me out of the blue. IT'S SO SCARY TO SEE SHIT WRITTEN LIKE THIS THAT'S DIRECTED AT YOU!!! ?!?!? I was like a deer caught in headlights.
I didn't see this until now! :( Sorry about that or I would have replied.
I would be hella mad if someone sent me a message like that.. and I'd probably not use the smiley (even though I suggest it).. I'd probably say things that were inappropriate and would come back to bite me if I ever became a politician.
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