D: Hey... AnoMALIE... wannaaa.... createMike'sChristmasCardForMe?
Me: What?
D: I was wondering if you... wanna make Mike's Christmas card for me...
Me: Make it?
D: Yeah... with like... cardboard paper and stuff.
Me: ... uh...
D: And... come up and write what's gonna go in there and stuff...
Me: ...
D: It's 'cause I'm not good with creative shit... or words. You know that!
So, I guess you could say D is kinda dating that Mike guy... the one from Chicago... the one I was all bummed out about back in September of '10.
It's cute, at least to me it is.
I haven't seen D so happy. She goes around the house laughing like a little hyena most of the day, and she usually has a smile on her face.
She'll continuously tell stories about the guy, or she'll read me one of their text-convos.
It's all very cute. It's like opposites attracted. It's a little "Beauty and the Beast"... he's not ugly or barbaric or anything... but he's just... it's pretty much "burbon-drinking 28-year-old, six-foot-four Mexican artsy Hipster and the vodka-drinking 24-year-old, five-foot-six Mexican classy-club kid." It's kind of weird... quirky.
D and Mike aren't "official," mainly because he lives in Chicago and she lives here. The distance thing is what keeps them from making any formal announcement or whatever.
"It's not fair to him/her." (Bullshit. When you really like someone, you make it work. But hey, that's just me and my fucked up logic... we've all seen how that has worked out for me-- POORLY!)
ANYWAY.
Sister is really into giving gifts to her loved ones. She always has been (she used to go around the house giving all of us random gifts back when she was little. She'd find something, wrap it in toilet paper, hand it to one of us, and tell us to open it in front of her. It was her gift to US... even if the thing she found and wrapped in toilet paper was something that already belonged to us, but was "lost" during the time D went around wrapping it).
Thought Mike isn't her legit boyfriend, he's now part of the gift ring. He's getting a little gift from her, and since she thinks it'd look stupid to just mail him the cardboard box, she wants to make him a cute little card to place inside... because he likes art.
In this family, there's only one person remotely close to being artistic... and that would be me (as if my motherfucking mood swings aren't enough proof that I live the life of a tortured artist. I'm this family's motherfucking van Gogh, damn it!). So, naturally, I was the one asked to do the job.
D: Just imagine... you're writing it to some guy you like... but that lives far away... so you don't want to make it seem like you miss him A LOT, even though you really do.
Me: Ummm...
D: Make it heartfelt... letting him know you think he's AWESOME (inside joke they have with each other in regards to this song), but not like... you're desperate to marry him or anything like that. Can you handle that?
Me: Umm... I guess I can try... ?
Here, my attempt to write something "heartfelt but not desperate," for my sister... to a guy she really likes, but lives far away:
(embarrassingly inaccurate depiction of the world, with one giant landmass that looks more like Pangea. Green Christmas Tree located where I consider Las Vegas to exist. Bold, red line shooting out of the tree, and towards the moon, where a little bearded Santa is located)
1,752 miles feels more like this...
Especially during the holidays.
(Next page)
How close do you think we are to Santa's Sleigh Technology? ;)
Merry Christmas,
(Halfway through this, all I could think was What the fuck is this? 500 Days of Summer? I don't do this shit!)
What was really sent out. 100 percent D's creation, since she caught a glimpse of my card and stopped me in my tracks:
Mike,
Like riding fuckin' unicorns: You're AWESOME.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
<3,
D
Boom.
She's so practical and concise. I'm jealous.
Me: What?
D: I was wondering if you... wanna make Mike's Christmas card for me...
Me: Make it?
D: Yeah... with like... cardboard paper and stuff.
Me: ... uh...
D: And... come up and write what's gonna go in there and stuff...
Me: ...
D: It's 'cause I'm not good with creative shit... or words. You know that!
So, I guess you could say D is kinda dating that Mike guy... the one from Chicago... the one I was all bummed out about back in September of '10.
It's cute, at least to me it is.
I haven't seen D so happy. She goes around the house laughing like a little hyena most of the day, and she usually has a smile on her face.
She'll continuously tell stories about the guy, or she'll read me one of their text-convos.
It's all very cute. It's like opposites attracted. It's a little "Beauty and the Beast"... he's not ugly or barbaric or anything... but he's just... it's pretty much "burbon-drinking 28-year-old, six-foot-four Mexican artsy Hipster and the vodka-drinking 24-year-old, five-foot-six Mexican classy-club kid." It's kind of weird... quirky.
D and Mike aren't "official," mainly because he lives in Chicago and she lives here. The distance thing is what keeps them from making any formal announcement or whatever.
"It's not fair to him/her." (Bullshit. When you really like someone, you make it work. But hey, that's just me and my fucked up logic... we've all seen how that has worked out for me-- POORLY!)
ANYWAY.
Sister is really into giving gifts to her loved ones. She always has been (she used to go around the house giving all of us random gifts back when she was little. She'd find something, wrap it in toilet paper, hand it to one of us, and tell us to open it in front of her. It was her gift to US... even if the thing she found and wrapped in toilet paper was something that already belonged to us, but was "lost" during the time D went around wrapping it).
Thought Mike isn't her legit boyfriend, he's now part of the gift ring. He's getting a little gift from her, and since she thinks it'd look stupid to just mail him the cardboard box, she wants to make him a cute little card to place inside... because he likes art.
In this family, there's only one person remotely close to being artistic... and that would be me (as if my motherfucking mood swings aren't enough proof that I live the life of a tortured artist. I'm this family's motherfucking van Gogh, damn it!). So, naturally, I was the one asked to do the job.
D: Just imagine... you're writing it to some guy you like... but that lives far away... so you don't want to make it seem like you miss him A LOT, even though you really do.
Me: Ummm...
D: Make it heartfelt... letting him know you think he's AWESOME (inside joke they have with each other in regards to this song), but not like... you're desperate to marry him or anything like that. Can you handle that?
Me: Umm... I guess I can try... ?
Here, my attempt to write something "heartfelt but not desperate," for my sister... to a guy she really likes, but lives far away:
(embarrassingly inaccurate depiction of the world, with one giant landmass that looks more like Pangea. Green Christmas Tree located where I consider Las Vegas to exist. Bold, red line shooting out of the tree, and towards the moon, where a little bearded Santa is located)
1,752 miles feels more like this...
Especially during the holidays.
(Next page)
How close do you think we are to Santa's Sleigh Technology? ;)
Merry Christmas,
(Halfway through this, all I could think was What the fuck is this? 500 Days of Summer? I don't do this shit!)
What was really sent out. 100 percent D's creation, since she caught a glimpse of my card and stopped me in my tracks:
Mike,
Like riding fuckin' unicorns: You're AWESOME.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
<3,
D
Boom.
She's so practical and concise. I'm jealous.
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