- Oh my God! You look beautiful! (HA!)
- Well, only the best belong in your company, let alone to be your beefcake.
- You must have at least some guy in your sights. You must be joking, humble, or......... something! (You mean gay? No. I'm not gay)
- Usted siempre sonriendo, siempre tan linda.
- I think you are super awesome and want to know more.
- You are.... well you own a mirror and HAVE to know about the personality I picked up on in the may 10 minutes of convo we've had.
- In summation, I think you are pretty and cool.
- I have no life during the day, so seeing you up is kinda exciting.
I've been told a normal girl would be flattered and excited about the attention.
But I'm a weirdo.
I've found myself crying after getting the compliment.
I think of my friend, Minnow, and how a while back he told a girl something along the lines of "I think I'm falling in love with you" and her reaction was "Oh no!"
...
I've turned into an "Oh no!" girl.
I'm so fucked up in the head, all I've been thinking each time a dude comes clean to me is "Oh no! Please don't like me!"
Then I find myself crying and feeling like shit a couple of hours later.
Is that normal?
It's NOTHING against them... it's quite the opposite. I'm SO fucking flattered by the kindness/sweetness, I feel like absolute SHIT for not being able to reciprocate.
I become frustrated with myself for being such an idiot.
I think of my mom and aunts' advice:
Find a guy who likes YOU more... you'll LEARN to like them back, even if it's out of pure gratitude towards them for being so good to you... you'll learn to love.
Learn, learn, LEARN, you fucking idiot! Taken it and run with it, you fucking idiot!
But I can't. It's impossible. And SO FRUSTRATING.
I can't do that to them. They just deserve better. Guys that sweet and remarkable deserve someone who will be equally mad about them. Everyone does.
And I just can't be that girl. Ever.
I'm allowing my chance to be loved fly away... because I'm staying true to a feeling that is not mutual... because I'm such a fuckin' idiot.
My heart wants what it wants... and my brain has NO say in the matter, ever.
... And the only thing my heart wants is something it will never have.
And that's what makes me cry-- the knowledge that I'M the fucking self-sabotaging idiot who will never allow her BRAIN to override her heart.
My brain and body are present in Las Vegas, Nevada... my heart is lost, thousands of miles away.
Fucking compliments.
(oh boy... be ready for more of this sort of shit in the coming days... a couple of cousins are getting married over the weekend, so I'm going to be forced to deal with this issue instead of do what works best for me: ignore and avoid)
7 comments:
Ha ha ha. When the model decided that she needed to take some time to think about things she asked why I hadn't said those words to her yet. I just shrugged. I didn't tell her it's because the responses I'd gotten from the last two girls were "Oh no, how can that be?" and "Well, you shouldn't." I really do know how to pick 'em.
:(
Buuuuut.. just because you don't like someone as much as they like you initially.. doesn't mean you shouldn't let them take you out once :) It's a good experience, just to mingle.. also, more experiences to write about!
Just be honest during the date if it comes up and say I like you as a person and a friend but I don't feel like we're good as a couple (unless some magic spark develops). That way you don't feel bad for not being attracted to them, and they feel like it's resolved,you gave them a shot and they know where they stand.
... or you get a stalker for a little while (but you'd never let them know where you live anyway.. soo.....)
I... uh.. have been on a lot.. a lot of dates where I wasn't as into the person (before Richard of course.. and let's say that my boyfriend wasn't what i pictured in my head... well he would be if he were a foot taller..) but I still made it a point to be myself, do something fun, have a good time and learn about other people from it.
@Minnow :( You shouldda sent her directly to the blog... or... no, don't... lol
Sorry.
@Chase The main reason I'm so upset is because this makes me realize I can't be upset with the dude I pretty much adore for not liking me back. No matter how much I adore him or how many nice things I may say about him, if it's not there, it's never going to be there.
As for dates, I will never ever ever accept one form someone I don't feel remotely attracted to. Sadly, our mutual buddy Mr. B falls in that category. I feel bad in that one because I see how... fanatical he can be about how radtastic he thinks I am (and I TOTALLY see myself as Mr. B when referring to Mr. D, because that's how I pretty much act about HIM--Mr. D), and all I really feel for Mr. B is... god, I'm a cunt, but I'm going to be real: repulsed (when I think of him in a non-friend way. My stomach churns... I feel TERRIBLE admitting that). So I cry because I think "GODDAMNIT! I'M Mr. D.'s Mr. B!"
More on this later.... and please PLEASE tell me Mr. B doesn't read this... it would truly suck if the poor dude sees me talking about him like this...
There is one dude whose company I enjoy... but it's complicated, and definitely not going to be floating around on the internets... I'd die. I'll have to give you the 411 on that one in person.... 'cause it's so fucked up. Jesus. :(
LOL Mr. B has a girlfriend. It's more serious now - so he'll stop. :) I understand though.
he hit me up while with his girl though... which is probably the main reason why I'm so... not cool with his... umm... attention? Lol. The fact that he was seeing the lovely A while he was saying these things to me made me IMMEDIATELY stiff-arm any advance. The whole time I was wondering "Is this nig high or something?" It was so strange! I just quit responding... and he still sent me another 5 messages.
Ummm... totally awkward... :S
BUT! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he gets crazy-fanatical about "A", if he's not already.
Bad bad Boy... I know they were in a bad place/broken up for a bit though not on facebook . I hope that was when he bothered you. I hope you're not being bothered by another bandmate of mine.. as he think's you are perfect as well.
lmao nah, good ol' costume boy is very calm and radtastic. sends me funny drawings as I only draw shit that is somehow horse-related... he's tight. haha
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