Wednesday, October 24, 2012


It was an unusually cool August morning, and the professor was running late. As we stood outside, waiting for the professor to show up for class, I remember looking over to the cinderblocks... and noticing him for the first time. He was sitting on the small cinderblock fence.
His hair-- I noticed his hair first-- black, long, and curly. 

Damn... that is some fucking awesome hair... 
He was spaced out, so instead of averting my eyes to the floor--as is my custom-- I ventured to look at his face.
I recognized him. 

Oh fuck, this dude is in my next class... and sits across from me... how weird.
No idea if he could sense me staring, but once he looked over, I did that awkward thing where one sort of smiles then nervously looks away.
This time of the year is when, no matter how hard I fight it, his memory is ever-present... in nearly every fucking thing I do or see or hear. His quirky... dark... mysteriously alluring memory takes my mind hostage.
It fucks me up.
The other day I caught a bit of the Nightmare Before Christmas... and I couldn't finish it because I found myself getting choked up... and angry.
This is bullshit... such bullshit.

I can't tell you how many times I wonder if I pop up in his head... even if it's for something negative.
That chick over there is making things so awkward... kind of like AnoMALIE... that bitch...
Even then, I'd feel... it'd be cool.
But I know I'm just kidding myself. Guys aren't like that. They don't long for a chick like that... maybe if she were a famous model or actress... but not a normal, average (in my case, below-average) girl.
Plus, I'm very forgettable... I do a fantastic job at being a wallflower.
Quiet, shy, good girls never get the attention of boys... quiet, shy, good girls are boring.

Sally often comes apart at the seams... and then has the job of sewing herself back together again... 
...and she admires Jack... and... she sings that song...
Jesus Christ... I was eight years old when they made this movie and yet... it's me... it pretty much described my future... only mine doesn't have that happy resolution... fuck...

And that's how it all started-- that's how the boy I hardly spoke to, captured my quiet, yet completely undivided attention.
Así, un muchacho que nunca me peló, y mucho menos busco mi atención, abarco mis pensamientos, y se enterró en mi corazón.

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