Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Outta body

I feel I must be clear on a point from yesterday's post:
I am NOT in love with Josh.
I did not cry over a "missed opportunity."
It's more of... a sad realization. It's a typical AnoMALIE-ism.
Here, I spent my years feeling alienated, completely tormented by my peers... feeling as if no one understood me, much less liked me... and then years later comes some dude out of the woodwork with these... lines that are straight out of a soap opera.

Do you... understand how much your words could have helped me back when I was getting hurt?
The only reason I'm not dead right now is because I'm my own damn cheerleader, and I have always had this very idiotic sense of hope that refuses to die.

I'm just... so fucking awed by how my life is working out. It's so fake and unbelievable. There is rarely a week I don't sit back, and extremely bewildered wonder "IS THIS FUCKING REALLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?! WHAT THE FUUUUCK?!"

I have moments where I can just sense myself having an out-of body experience... wishing I had popcorn to munch on while watching everything unfold.
Check it, dude! You're walking alone, in a dark street, fireworks going off in the distance... and your childhood friend comes out to you as having always had these extraordinarily sweet feelings for you! And you, like the imbecile you are, just storm off like a cow looking for leafy greens. GOOD SHIT, AnoMALIE!

I can't even cry about... it's so fucking comical to me... so goddamn cynically hilarious.

Ahhhhh... it's so incredible. So amazing... in a sad way... in an enraging way...
but fuck it.

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