I have officially found my all-time favorite backhanded compliment!
After years of hearing shit ranging from "You're pretty! But... you'd be SO MUCH prettier if you wore a girdle!" to "You'd be PERFECT... if you looked like your sister" I have found one that... made me angry, sad, then burst into laughter.
As I'm sure I've complained here, people have a ridiculous ability to insult me... especially when they're trying to pay me a compliment. Often times it hurts the shit out of me... other times I'm infuriated... but seldom am I amused enough to laugh-- don't get it twisted, just because I laugh DOES NOT mean I like it. An insult's an insult, and it takes permanent residence in my heart and mind... and will usually make an appearance during one of my frequent self-loathing episodes.
OK, on with the compliment:
I'm not entirely sure how this got out... but it appears my... adoration of Samuel Clemens is no longer a secret.
I claim not to read and all that bullshit, but truth be told, this man holds my heart... hence why I don't call him by his pen name.
I'll watch documentaries on Mr. Clemens, as well as read articles... and I find myself tearing up... I swear I even sobbed with one of the documentaries.
Basically, I think this man was the most awesome human in the history of ever, and totally my soulmate.
But I keep that information to myself... I don't really remember owning up to my adoration.
BUT, point is, somehow, this dude caught word of my LOVE for SAMUEL CLEMENS.
I think he was trying to impress me... I HOPE that's what he was trying to do... not tossing some... posh insult at me.
He quoted:
There are women who have an indefinable charm in their faces which makes them beautiful to their intimates, but a cold stranger who tried to reason the matter out and find this beauty would fail.
My reaction?
Silence. Slight choking on my own spit.
Homie... you're gonna quote A Tramp Abroad... and THAT'S the line you're gonna choose? DUDE! I've crossed two sentences with you... no way can that be considered "intimate." What the hell are you smoking?
Him: Lame quote, but Sam Clemens must redeem it a bit
No shit, Holmes, you straight up just called me ugly...
and WAIT... did you just call him Sam Clemens? Has somebody been Facebook stalking my albums?
Serendipity DOES NOT exist... especially not now in the time of Facebook. I quickly remembered ONE photo I uploaded from one of my DC trips... one where I'm next to a Mark Twain poster, and I declare my love.
Lightbulb.
After feeling creeped the fuck out... then angry... then sad... I had to start laughing.
That was so incredibly horrible. SO horrible... oh my god... how would anyone find that appropriate? Jesus Christ... AHAHAHAHA! I'm so glad I don't have to do that.... I promise I'll refrain from doing that... fuck, my stomach hurts... good laugh, good laugh... and YOU, guy, to the lions! You are DONE!
A cold stranger... sounds like... everyone but my nuclear family.
Dear Lord... compliments were definitely not made for me.
After years of hearing shit ranging from "You're pretty! But... you'd be SO MUCH prettier if you wore a girdle!" to "You'd be PERFECT... if you looked like your sister" I have found one that... made me angry, sad, then burst into laughter.
As I'm sure I've complained here, people have a ridiculous ability to insult me... especially when they're trying to pay me a compliment. Often times it hurts the shit out of me... other times I'm infuriated... but seldom am I amused enough to laugh-- don't get it twisted, just because I laugh DOES NOT mean I like it. An insult's an insult, and it takes permanent residence in my heart and mind... and will usually make an appearance during one of my frequent self-loathing episodes.
OK, on with the compliment:
I'm not entirely sure how this got out... but it appears my... adoration of Samuel Clemens is no longer a secret.
I claim not to read and all that bullshit, but truth be told, this man holds my heart... hence why I don't call him by his pen name.
I'll watch documentaries on Mr. Clemens, as well as read articles... and I find myself tearing up... I swear I even sobbed with one of the documentaries.
Basically, I think this man was the most awesome human in the history of ever, and totally my soulmate.
But I keep that information to myself... I don't really remember owning up to my adoration.
BUT, point is, somehow, this dude caught word of my LOVE for SAMUEL CLEMENS.
I think he was trying to impress me... I HOPE that's what he was trying to do... not tossing some... posh insult at me.
He quoted:
There are women who have an indefinable charm in their faces which makes them beautiful to their intimates, but a cold stranger who tried to reason the matter out and find this beauty would fail.
My reaction?
Silence. Slight choking on my own spit.
Homie... you're gonna quote A Tramp Abroad... and THAT'S the line you're gonna choose? DUDE! I've crossed two sentences with you... no way can that be considered "intimate." What the hell are you smoking?
Him: Lame quote, but Sam Clemens must redeem it a bit
No shit, Holmes, you straight up just called me ugly...
and WAIT... did you just call him Sam Clemens? Has somebody been Facebook stalking my albums?
Serendipity DOES NOT exist... especially not now in the time of Facebook. I quickly remembered ONE photo I uploaded from one of my DC trips... one where I'm next to a Mark Twain poster, and I declare my love.
Lightbulb.
After feeling creeped the fuck out... then angry... then sad... I had to start laughing.
That was so incredibly horrible. SO horrible... oh my god... how would anyone find that appropriate? Jesus Christ... AHAHAHAHA! I'm so glad I don't have to do that.... I promise I'll refrain from doing that... fuck, my stomach hurts... good laugh, good laugh... and YOU, guy, to the lions! You are DONE!
A cold stranger... sounds like... everyone but my nuclear family.
Dear Lord... compliments were definitely not made for me.
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