Good day, guys... such a good fucking day... I've been smiling and laughing so much, I fear those around me are going to have me committed to a mental institution.
But... she was so depressed not too long ago... now this? She probably has her suicide plotted out and we need to stop it before she goes ahead and does whatever crazy shit she has planned!
I hear that's what happens with people before they commit suicide... they're really happy and lovable the day before they go off and do the crazy thing...
But I swear to you that's not the case. I'm just so happy, and on a total upswing right now... I'm kind of fearful that the world IS ending... hence this strange string of blissful days-- the Universe's way to even the score.
Or maybe I'm just really amused when I make my poor, mega-Catholic, little Mexican mom listen to my favorite songs that may not be all too innocent.
I was driving her around town and my itunes shuffled to NIN's "Closer." Instead of changing the song, I increased the volume... as an experiment.
Me: GUESS why I love this song.
She's gonna kill me...
Mom: It sounds scary.
Me: It's awesome... and dirty... but fucking awesome!
Mom: AnoMALIE! Quit talking like a trucker! (she has this new thing where she accuses me of being a "trucker" whenever I get too vulgar or whatever)
The lyrics begin.
You let me violate you. You let me desecrate you.
Mom: Valgame Dios! (equivalent of "Oh my God")
Me: Shhh!
You let me penetrate you
Mom: OH MY GOD!
Me: NOT YET!
You let me complicate you.
I turn up the sound, my cheeks hurting from smiling so hard. Mom was staring at me in disbelief, shaking her head in disapproval. This--naturally-- only made me giggle a little louder.
Help me, I broke apart my insides.
Help me, I've got no soul to sell.
Mom: Muy bonito... ("very nice," obviously said sarcastically)
Shakes her head again, a bit more intensely.
Me: Shhhh!
Help me, the only thing that works for me.
Me: Get ready, get ready!
It feels like Christmas Eve!
Help me get away from myself.
I join in on the singing... emphasizing the obvious word.
I wanna fuck you like an animal.
Mom: ... of course.
I wanna feel you from the inside
Mom: Ave Maria Purisma, niña! ("Blessed Virgin Mary, girl!")
I wanna fuck you like an animal
Mom: That vulgar bastard... THAT'S what he is!
Me: The voice mom! The voice! It's sexy! ... and the lyrics are hot. It's some good shit, Mom, gotta admit it.
Mom: Que me van a gustar estas vulgaridades! ("Like hell I'd like these vulgarities!")
I like to torture my poor saint of a mother... so we listened to the entire song.
I know she ended up liking it... I mean, she was bobbing her head to it after maybe a minute.
I'll just let her keep denying the fact. I got you, Mom. No worries.
But... she was so depressed not too long ago... now this? She probably has her suicide plotted out and we need to stop it before she goes ahead and does whatever crazy shit she has planned!
I hear that's what happens with people before they commit suicide... they're really happy and lovable the day before they go off and do the crazy thing...
But I swear to you that's not the case. I'm just so happy, and on a total upswing right now... I'm kind of fearful that the world IS ending... hence this strange string of blissful days-- the Universe's way to even the score.
Or maybe I'm just really amused when I make my poor, mega-Catholic, little Mexican mom listen to my favorite songs that may not be all too innocent.
I was driving her around town and my itunes shuffled to NIN's "Closer." Instead of changing the song, I increased the volume... as an experiment.
Me: GUESS why I love this song.
She's gonna kill me...
Mom: It sounds scary.
Me: It's awesome... and dirty... but fucking awesome!
Mom: AnoMALIE! Quit talking like a trucker! (she has this new thing where she accuses me of being a "trucker" whenever I get too vulgar or whatever)
The lyrics begin.
You let me violate you. You let me desecrate you.
Mom: Valgame Dios! (equivalent of "Oh my God")
Me: Shhh!
You let me penetrate you
Mom: OH MY GOD!
Me: NOT YET!
You let me complicate you.
I turn up the sound, my cheeks hurting from smiling so hard. Mom was staring at me in disbelief, shaking her head in disapproval. This--naturally-- only made me giggle a little louder.
Help me, I broke apart my insides.
Help me, I've got no soul to sell.
Mom: Muy bonito... ("very nice," obviously said sarcastically)
Shakes her head again, a bit more intensely.
Me: Shhhh!
Help me, the only thing that works for me.
Me: Get ready, get ready!
It feels like Christmas Eve!
Help me get away from myself.
I join in on the singing... emphasizing the obvious word.
I wanna fuck you like an animal.
Mom: ... of course.
I wanna feel you from the inside
Mom: Ave Maria Purisma, niña! ("Blessed Virgin Mary, girl!")
I wanna fuck you like an animal
Mom: That vulgar bastard... THAT'S what he is!
Me: The voice mom! The voice! It's sexy! ... and the lyrics are hot. It's some good shit, Mom, gotta admit it.
Mom: Que me van a gustar estas vulgaridades! ("Like hell I'd like these vulgarities!")
I like to torture my poor saint of a mother... so we listened to the entire song.
I know she ended up liking it... I mean, she was bobbing her head to it after maybe a minute.
I'll just let her keep denying the fact. I got you, Mom. No worries.
1 comment:
This cracked me up. Especially in conjunction with that Kirk/Spock.. ewww. Edited.. TOO WELL.
My dad is on a music discovery journey. He made me buy him an ipod. Now he's ripping all of the CDs in the house (I have ~1000.. jeeze!).. It's funny to watch him listen to something I know he's not going to like from the outset (rage against the machine was one earlier.. the expression on his face was priceless)
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