Hitler

I submitted my first application today... I was excited and on this crazy high, when Mom started to sing a song about "October went away so it can be December..."
Me: NO! I don't want it to be December!
Mom: (still singing in her monotone voice) And then it will be January... and then a few more months so it can be March... and YOU turn a year older!
Me: NO!!!!!
Dad: Oh, yeah, you need to get a job. NOW.
Me:... but I thought I was going to school...
Mom: (still singing) and you're going to be uninsured! You'll officially be a burdennnn.
(My parents have such a lovely way with words!)
Me: ... well, I guess this is the part where I give you guys permission to just kill me if I get sick from now on. Cancer, heart problems, broken bones... you know what to do. Just Hitler that shit.

I guess I should explain what "Hitler that shit" means:

MGH and JC (MGH's bro. I've decided that's what I'm going to call him from now on) had this meanass dog back when they lived in Hometown. The dog was an ex-cop... an enormous German Shepard that could smell fear from a mile away. He was aptly named "Hitler."
Hitler lived up to his name, and terrorized EVERYONE in town... everyone except MGH, JC, and their parents. Everyone else had to literally run into the house from the front gate while MGH and JC held Hitler back and distracted him.
MGH, JC, and Hitler terrorized the town for about five years (one time, JC released Hitler in school. That's quite the story in Hometown), but then Hitler's health started going to hell. He started getting tumors all over his body that would make the poor dog whimper each time he had to move. This happened when JC and MGH were around 13 and 12, respectively, so they were very protective of the dog, in denial, and unwilling to put him to sleep.
Since this is Hometown we're talking about, everyone is a little on the hillbilly side, and things tend to get a little barbaric. They believe there is nothing their own hands can't fix.
One day, when MGH and JC were hanging out with my siblings and I at the park, MGH's dad had his brother (aka MGH's uncle) come over and "take care" of Hitler. How was he taken care of? A lot worse than his namesake, that's for sure.
MGH's Dad and Uncle took Hitler to the backyard-- the horse stables. Hitler was placed on the cemented portion of the floor... and with a sledgehammer, MGH's uncle... smashed Hitlers head with all his might (a little obvious on what MGH's family background is, huh? I'm surprised they didn't have an extra vat of acid laying around the house to just dissolve the poor dog). When we all returned to MGH's house, we saw MGH's uncle hosing down the cement. There was no dog... but blood everywhere... and some skull fragments.
MGHDad: He was a good dog. I couldn't stand to see him like that.
We (us?) five kids stood quietly, completely frozen.
Holy shit. So this is what they do in Mexico...
(surprisingly enough, a couple of years later I actually got to see a different dude kill his dog in a similar manner... except he did it with a giant log... in front of about 20 of us... for NO good reason. We were all just having a pleasant picnic by the river when this guy went crazy on his own dog. I sat there thinking "Oh my fucking God... is he really... OH MY GOD! He's... DOGGIE! NO!!" The sound the dog made haunts me to this day. I swear, the memories I've collected...)

So... now you know... in case someone Hitlers me up, they were just doing my unemployed, uninsured-ass a favor.