Cuchillos

Clemson: I need your guys' help.
Sister: Ok...
Clemson: What do you get a guy who has everything? His birthday is coming up and I'm stumped.
Sister: Well, what does he like?
Clemson: I don't know how to go about this one... because everything he likes he can buy. And he likes all that expensive Gucci/Louis Vuitton stuff. I can't afford that. I want... I want to get him something clever.
Sister: Hmm... well, you know where this is headed, right? You're going to have to bang him.
Clemson: I thought of that... but I want to make it clever. Plus, I don't think he's going to be in town for his birthday... so I won't know when the right time to... you know... "pop out" would be.
Sister: Too easy! Just make up one of those stupid "redeemable" wannabe gift-cards he can redeem for one fuck. Problem solved.
Clemson: But I want to give it to him in a very clever way. Have little stocking stuffers like some of his favorite movies and all that.
Me: Ok... so what does he like? Do you guys have some sort of inside joke or anything? Think of something close to both you guys and we can go from there.
Clemson: Well... his favorite movie is that one movie "Kick-Ass." He thinks it's awesome... and that little girl, the one that kicks ass, he thinks she's awesome.
Me: Ok, so let's work with that.
Clemson: OH! I know! He loves that scene where the little girl does this crazy thing with the knife... know that part? What if I get him like... a bunch of really cool knives and placed them in a really cute basket on his bed with a blue-ray copy of the movie... and the "gift-card" somewhere in there? I bet he'd love that!
(Sister and I look at each other)
Me: I don't know how he'd feel about coming home to a basket full of knives chillin' on his bed... you'd be better off greeting him wearing nothing but a purple wig and just banging the shit out of him. You're thinking Kanye-West-music-video type shit right now. Calm down.
(one night, while in Paris, all three of us were up doing yoga while watching French MTV music videos. We were stunned when that one "Flashing Lights" music video came on... you know, the one where the girl gets that shovel. Yoga stopped ASAP, since our minds were blown for the rest of the night. Clemson: I will not be able to look at a shovel the same way again...)

Clemson makes me laugh. You'd think she'd say these things to be hilarious, but she's being genuine... which only makes it that much funnier.
Just like the Mormon inside joke we have... she just keeps on giving us more material.
On a serious note, I'm glad she found a guy. She was SUCH a penny-pincher in Spain (she's the girl who told me her damn bread story about three times in the month I was there), I'm glad she has found a guy who can make her money issue (that made life so difficult for EVERYONE) obsolete (he's a pro football player. Girl surrounded herself with a couple of good guys... some with whom we actually had the opportunity to skype with while hanging out with her).
Perfect way to end my night (things started looking up after Barça raped the shit out of Real Madrid. I may love CR, but words cannot describe how much I detest his football club. Plus, Barça's my Liga team. Their team's cohesion makes shit look like a beautiful choreographed dance on the football field. Una maravilla).

... Knives on a bed... dear Lord.