Monday, May 2, 2011

Someday is NOWday

I'm one of those girls who has spent her life buying clothes for "Someday."
It's not like I do it intentionally... it's just that my body is so fucking weird, the new clothes end up falling in the "I'll wear these someday" (any logical person can say "TRY ON THE MOTHERFUCKING CLOTHES BEFORE YOU BUY IT!" and I do... for the most part. There are days when I'm in a hurry and all I do is step in the store, look for my size and Bam! Let's go!) pile.

The majority of the issues arise when I buy pants... these damn thighs bring the drama.
SO... while the pants claim to be my size, my thighs and ass often beg to differ.

This little issue has been in my life since... high school. I have a collection of Someday Pants that can rival Mariah Carey's shoe collection (ok, not THAT drastic, but I definitely have more Someday Pants than everyday pants. It's about a 3:1 ratio).

WELL, last night-- in my infinite boredom-- I did what I do maybe once a month: I took out the clothes I rarely wear and threw myself a little fashion show.
I do it as a way to clean out my closet, since it has the tendency to fucking break on me, and instead of GUESSING (like I do BEFORE buying the fucking clothes) if the clothes even fits anymore, I try it on one more time (and proceed to rag on myself. How the fuck did I ever wear this?! that sort of deal).
I have a couple of favorite Someday pants, so that's why they stay in my closet regardless of the fit.
Last night, there was magic in the air.
Why?
I fit in my Someday pants... from high school.

Now, I know this is such a girl thing, but fuck it, I'll admit it: it was thrilling!
Of fucking course I squealed!

That was the story the entire night. I went to bed at three in the morning, because I would prance around in each of the pants for well over ten minutes. I'd even go off and try on shirts (which is also another issue, especially button-downs. My tits have ALWAYS gotten in the way) with the pants... which, by the way, my Someday Shirts also fit. It appears I've lost about a cup size... which I'm also very stoked about. Sorry guys, but this girls prefers having a NORMAL chest. Big boobs are such a hassle.

SO... needless to say, I'm a happy camper right now.
Screw sugar and salt (never dairy, though... dairy is a gift from the gods. The best creation ever... and not having it is such a huge void in my life. I love you, milk, cheese, and yogurt! I think of you every single day!)!
This shit is worth it.
I should get severely depressed more often (no, no I shouldn't).

2 comments:

Kelley Karas said...

:) The silver lining.
I have some someday dresses. I hope my nowday is coming soon, since launching my ass in gear. If you want to go hiking wednesday, let me know.

AnoMALIE said...

absolutely! especially since the 90s are coming back, supposedly to stay. must enjoy these last couple of days of spring.