Apologize to who?

Jesus Christ. 

I officially give up on SPEAKING... or communicating, more like it.

I can't say one fucking thing without someone getting their panties in a knot and causing drama.

This time I have this whole zodiac brouhaha to thank.

Me, being the sarcastic girl I am, posted it on Facebook (the root of my motherfucking problems)... "freaking out." It was OOZING sarcasm. Of course, since too many people don't bother to understand that about me... because all they get is the quiet AnoMALIE who sits at family get-togethers, staring at her phone... or the fucking table cloth of the table I'm forced to sit at for these godforsaken parties. They don't understand that half of what I say is drenched in sarcasm, thanks to the twenty-whatever years I've been forced into being an observer rather than a participant in their tiny little world. I see things, and I exaggerate. 

Yes, I am "entertained" by astrology... but come on. It gives me adjectives I often lack in my repertoire.

I came home tonight to a load of pretentious updates and comments (that I deleted, of course) about how stupid/ignorant people (and I) are for liking astrology (one of these coming from a pizza delivery guy. Which probably pissed me off MOST. This guy thinks he's SO smart, yet his dumbass never had the drive, determination, or dedication to finish a motherfucking semester of community college. Get the fuck out of here trying to scold me, you fucking quitter) and blah blah blah.

Wow really? People are really worried about their zodiac signs changing? First of all it didn't change and second of all there are other major worries in this world! 'Come on maaaaan!

-THANKKK YOUUUUU! Holy fuck! There r more important things in life!

Pause.

We're gonna play this? You suuuuuure?

Ok. 

First, I DO care about other shit in this world. I DO read the news. I DO post about it. But guess what? People DON'T want to hear it. I get the whole "That's toooooo depressing" bullshit. So how the fuck can anyone try to be "worldly" and talk about the horrific floods in Australia (just today I read the story about that boy who gave up his life for his little brother. That made me cry), the incessant narco wars in Mexico (today, I read about this horrible situation that went down on the 28 of December near Hometown, where 60 masked gunmen terrorized an entire town, killed a man, and torched the homes/cars of the townspeople. The people were forced to retreat to the fucking mountains to be saved from the mayhem. News of this didn't break until yesterday. Did you know that, oh Mighty Erudite?), or the tragedy in Arizona (I read about that as well), if too many fucking pansies don't want to be made aware of the misery in the world?

Two: I AM A FUCKING SCIENTIST. The degree hanging in my living room says so. I was subjugated to countless science classes since middle school. I breathed science for way too many years of my life. Don't YOU (pizza maker. Wannabe hustler. Sneaker head. Wannabe-lawyer. Stay-at-home-dad. Strip club bartender) try to patronize/chastise me and talk about "real" science, because I will school the SHIT out of you. Suck. My. Dick.

Three: I AM SARCASTIC! SARCASM! You know who complains about sarcasm? Assholes who are too stupid to understand it... or don't know how to pick up context clues (like the overuse of punctuation marks or eeeeeeeelooooongaaaateeeeedddd words, or preposterous scenarios: "You'd eat babies?!" No, you FUCK! It's called satire! Don't read too deeply into it).

The bomb exploded once I took to my twitter page. 

Me: I love the ppl trying to talk down to me bc of my zodiac post. 1. I have a BIOLOGY degree. 2. I'm sarcastic. Go condescend someone else.

Him: If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize.

OH. HELL. NO.

People know how I feel about apologies.

I don't take those shits lightly.

And to demand one form me?

OHHHHHH NOHHHH (there I go with the elongated words. This time I'm not being sarcastic, just furious and loud). NO. NO. NO.

Not gonna happen, son (I've taken on his tone of voice. This is his speak, just FYI).

This guy turns everything into a competition. His entire family does. We've been made aware of various occasions of some of their shit-talking (like: his dad went around telling everybody the only reason my brother joined the army was so that his college tuition could get paid... because we could never afford it on our own. That entire family talked shit about my bro over how "Stupid" he was for joining the military. This guy's brother tried snaking Alo from my brother one summer... and talked mad shit about him to her "Rafa's... so immature. He acts like a boy, not a man." And now with their new house, someone commented on their marble floors, being the opposite color of ours--they have white, we have black-- and he quickly mentioned that ours was laid shitty/shitty condition. Someone once mentioned how Shittalker Dad had a similar truck to MY dad. He quickly dismissed Dad's as shitty because it "made too much noise". It's a diesel engine, you fuck, of course it makes noise. I could go on, but I'm only inciting my own anger now). They turn everything into the one-upping game... even when we AREN'T TRYING. We're just living our life, so we just shrug it off.

SO, I was NEVER trying to "beat" you. I was just saying it like it is: Boy, if you're going to try to talk down to me for "freaking out" over a fucking zodiac change, don't waste your breath. I was joking... and I don't let this shit rule me... I FOLLOW REAL SCIENCE, and if you were in the least informed about me, YOU'D PROBABLY KNOW THAT.

Now shut the fuck up and-- if you're standing-- find yourself a nice place to sit as you wait for my "apology," 'cause that shit ain't EVER COMING. 

ESPECIALLY when you take photos like this: 

What's wrong? WHERE DO I START?!

P.S. My dog is infinitely times cuter/more badass than yours. Uh-oh... did I just agree to this competition? Oooooooh! I think I just did!