Sitting down

If you're going to call me at 12:45 AM, and open with "AnoMALIE... are you sitting down?" one of two things:
1. Someone better be dead.
2. Someone better have caught my boyfriend banging some slut.
Being that I'm guy-less, I was expecting answer number one.

I was sore as hell last night, all I wanted to do was rest and forget about my aching body (I'm getting old... fuck).
I was in bed, watching the first half-hour of Jimmy Fallon, when I heard my phone go off.
Jesus Christ... who's dead?!
I scrambled to get to my phone, my heart racing, and Pacemaker's voice greeted me with that stupid line once I answered.
Me: Yes... why? Are you crying?!
Pacemaker: Girl. Do we have some news for you!
I was being conference-called by Pacemaker and Lau... to gossip... about their extended family.
... and I care because... ?
They went on for an hour, talking about the shit they had to deal with over the week.
Their grandma is very ill, in her final days now, but that wasn't the point. Their family is going through some he-said-she-said bullshit... and somehow, MY name was thrown into the mess. Why? Because their family drama originated at my grandfather's funeral... which was exactly two years ago today. I'm supposedly a witness.
Dude... it was my grandfather's funeral. If anything, I tried REALLY hard to forget everything that happened that day. I was fucked up. My eyes were so puffy I couldn't really see... all I could think about was the fact that those were going to be the last hours I was going to spend seeing and touching a man who made me laugh my entire life... and somehow I was supposed to catch you guys bickering and care about it? Wow.
Supposedly I'm getting a call from Pacemaker and Lau's aunt (the bitch who won't let shit go) sometime this week to "verify" Lau's story. What a hassle.

A story about my backstabbing, whore-humping boyfriend would have been so much better.
I think I'll get one just to have that base covered for the next time I get a late night phone call asking me what position I'm in.